Roe vs Wade Aftermath
"I remember the isolation, shame, and fear that surrounded my abortion as if it was yesterday. It haunted me for decades. Worrying I would never be able to conceive again"
I shared for the first time on social media that I had an abortion. It’s important people realize how many women have had one. I was in the process of working on the classicism and photography piece you all voted for on Instagram but the Roe vs Wade reversal has been really triggering. I’m finally working my way out of it. For the last couple of weeks, there was a blanket of despair permeating the air. Knowing that the majority of Americans are pro-choice, it feels like no amount of, “please register to vote postcards,” will help the young women affected by this decision. It feels helpless.
I recently won a ‘women in leadership’ award for the Sacramento Business Journal. I was probably the youngest person at the table. I’m often the only woman in the room and usually, one of the youngest people, however, being the youngest at an event full of accomplished women was a first. The luncheon I attended was both inspiring and disappointing.
I don’t want this critique to take away from the amazing work these women are doing. I seriously can’t wait to get to know them better. And the change they are facilitating in this city is phenomenal. But two things can exist at the same time and I have a feeling my cohorts appreciate critical discourse.
At one point, someone made a comment about how “shameless young people are on the internet.” “They share so much.” It didn’t make it a safe place to tell them that I was a blogger or that my personal brand played a major role in why I was an honoree.
In light of the Roe vs Wade reversal the following weekend; my interaction with these women felt even heavier.
I remember being 19 and living in a county whose women’s health clinic is only open 2 days a week. At that time the morning after pill still required a doctor’s signature. I remember how hard it was to get access to birth control because the town’s favorite OBGYN and family medicine doctor was Catholic. She refuses to prescribe birth control to unmarried women.
This is still true in my hometown today. The nearest Planned Parenthood is a 45-minute drive away. Not everyone has access to a car or can afford the astronomical price of gas.
I remember the isolation, shame, and fear that surrounded my abortion as if it was yesterday. It haunted me for decades. Worrying I would never be able to conceive again and that I had “ruined” my dream of having a family one day. I now know that that anxiety and thought processes are all skewed socialization forced upon young girls at an early age.
When I was pregnant with Riley, I couldn’t tell you how many people said to me. “Boys are easy, you’re going to love having a boy.” Are they? Or is it just that the world is designed for them? Could it be possible that we adultify women early and that’s why they “mature” faster than boys?
This happens to women of color even earlier.
In this world, naivete can be dangerous.
Shame is an insidious emotion; it eats away at our insides isolating us from others. I don’t think this group of incredibly successful women intended on shaming anyone. Many feel that way about the internet. I also think we need to teach internet safety and responsibility in schools. But I was disappointed because this common line of thinking is what also contributes to keeping young women uneducated; lacking access and resources. It puts a target for predators on their innocent backs.
I truly believe that the diversification of ideas leads to higher human consciousness. It’s going to start with trauma-informed leaders sharing their stories and lived experiences to inspire change.
** Please excuse any potential spelling or grammar errors, I can’t afford an editor. I’d love to hear people's feedback in the comments. However, I will delete and block anyone who is disrespectful.